Beauty Through Pain: Part 2

At five I prayed a simple "sinner's prayer." But it wasn’t until I was 16 that I was struck with an awareness of my sin and need of a Savior (This was at one of Joshua Harris' first conferences). Even though I re-dedicated my life to God, I was still very immature in my spiritual walk. At that time, the only real physical pain I was experiencing was the headache, but I began to think that God must not love me very much if He was going to allow me to be in constant physical pain. I would read scripture and try to tell my self that God really did care for me, but it always sounded hollow and empty, ringing in my pain-filled ears. I was simply not willing to actually trust Him to keep His promises; I was not willing to let go of my hurt and anger over my illness.

This seed of bitterness and discontent also became a source of great spiritual pain, which in turn only made me more discontent and resentful toward God. In anger, I started relying on my own stubborn strength and pride to get me through my days and became less and less interested in what the Lord wanted from me; I was convinced that He could not love me as much as He said He did – and that He must obviously love others more. I also began to think that since I was in “so much pain” I had a right to seek out ways to temporarily make myself feel better, which had the potential of being a very destructive mind-set.


To my headache and bad attitude, I then added a job at the age of 18 that took me away from the protection of home and placed me in an intense, spiritually dark work environment. As these three strains built, my heart began to disregard the instructions of Scripture. In my passive-aggressive manner, I did not outwardly lash out at my authority or blatantly disobey instruction; but I stopped seeking out ways to honor and love people, I had a bitter heart toward those who tried to give me comfort, and I continued to blame God for my pain. I even made a subconscious decision to see how much God would really put up with before he “gave up” on me. I was a very ugly sinner!

Yet, even as I ceased to value the Lord’s commands, I was still blessed with an insight beyond my maturity or own ability to acquire. I would frequently consider my choices and activities as if I were merely an onlooker, observing someone else’s actions from a distance, and I would then weigh the consequences and outcomes of the choices I could make. Through this supernaturally given perspective, I was saved from sinning in ways that would have caused me any “really bad” consequences, although the feeling of being separated from God and the guilt of sin was truly bad enough. I thought I was being smart, when Christ knew that He was the only thing standing between me and what I deserved.

I was working in a very dark place, and I didn’t come away from it without scars. I thoughtlessly found myself alone with young men who were not believers in Christ, had a deluded sense of morality, and who did take advantage of me emotionally and physically, though God still had his arms of protection surrounding me, protecting my purity, and He gave me the will and determination to flee temptation and reject living in sin. When my foolish companions drank, smoked, and did drugs, the Lord steeled my resolve and gave me His words to refuse participating in such activities.

All through this I had the obstinate idea that I had a valid excuse to disobey the Lord’s commands, yet for reasons surpassing my own understanding, I was still sheltered by the Holy Spirit’s direction in my life. The Lord also chose to make me an effective witness of Christ to these same people, though He was working through a very hard heart to do so.

Then, about three years after I started working, God determined the time had come to break this strong-willed, stubborn, bitter daughter of His. The combination of intense spiritual agony brought on by angrily running from God, the constant throbbing headache, and the loneliness of not being willing to seek out godly guidance finally brought me to a place where all of my own strength and pride failed. One night, I fell on my face before God on my bedroom floor and admitted that because of my sin and disobedience, I deserved more than pain; I deserved death! That even if all my physical pain went away, I would still be just as retched and miserable and in need the saving blood of Christ; a Savior greater than what mere man could offer.

I saw my life as this great attempt to build a house of cards to stand on – a house assembled with my own feeble works and excuses. On that night, I watched as every one of those cards came crashing down, with me amongst them, and when I finally stopped falling, I landed in the loving, merciful, strong hands of my Heavenly Father.

From that day on, I began to truly seek the will of God. I had to go through a time of great change, where I looked through the closets of my heart and mind and cleaned out what was detestable in the eyes of Christ (there were a few things in my physical closet that needed to get thrown out as well). This process took quite a while, and the Lord is continuing to convict me of sin. I am still coming across things that the Lord needs to address and that I need to repent of, and I know that in my human weakness, I will be fighting sin for rest of my life.

For the last several years, I have not had an end to my trials, but I have found that my difficulties in this life are truly blessings from God, meant to make me more like His Son, and to bring God glory. Through every new trial, I gain even more knowledge of the attributes of my dear Savior and grow even closer to Him. I am learning what it is to have nothing to lean on but Christ, and that He truly will be faithful in providing and satisfying all that I need. I see a small glimpse of God’s sovereignty, for I would not have a fire for God and the passion for a closer relationship with Him if I had not first seen His mercy displayed in my foolish actions and circumstances.

I still have a strong will. When my will rebels against God, the friction is like brake gears on a car grinding away, stripping me of my peace and joy. However, when my will is submitted to God’s will and purpose, the result is like diamond carving diamond, creating an extremely strong gem that reflects Christ to others.

My body is much more ill than it was when I was 16, but my soul is so much healthier. The correlation is remarkable to me, and – given the opportunity – I would not choose to go back and exchange my health of years ago with my health of today, because, through the pain and trials, I have learned that my relationship with Christ greatly outweighs any suffering in this world.
I am convinced that life is not fueled by minutes, hours, and days; our walk with God is made up of moments. Specifically, the moments when God shakes us from where we are, strikes us with a sight of His mercy, grace, sovereignty and love, and leads us with His mighty hand into a richer relationship with Himself.

Oh, to see Christ! What more could we ever hope for? To think that there was a time when I was so blinded by my pain that I could not see how the Lord was using it for my good! It grieves me to realize how much more I could have been used for God’s kingdom if I had not been sinning in my heart all those years. I still have seasons when I feel like I am in a fog, when I can not see past all the numerous things that are hurting all at once. But even in that isolation I have no doubt that God loves me and that He is being glorified in me, through my faithfulness to follow Him, by the strength He provides.

“I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am:
I am Yours.”
“Who AM I”, Casting Crowns (2003)

Beauty Through Pain: Part 1

This article is a two-part story from Evie Poythress who wrote her testimony several years ago. Since that time, God has been continuing to teach her daily what it is to be completely submitted to Him. Just 9 months ago she married Michael Poythress, and the two of them, currently residing in WA, are now growing in the Lord together, learning even more about what it is to put all your hope and trust in Christ. You can visit Evie's blog here. Be blessed as you read!

~Tiffany

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart,

O God, you will not despise.”
Psalm 51:17

I stumbled into my first head injury when I was three years old; escalators and I have never been friends since. It probably wasn’t the smartest idea after that for me to take gymnastics class, but that was where I fell into my second head injury. I was ten.

I have been seeking treatment for chronic headaches ever since I was eight, and because of my unfortunate tendency to fall on my head, I am now committed to avoiding most strenuous activities and sports. I don’t remember what it was like to live without headaches; so on the one hand, I have the blessing of not really knowing what I’m missing. On the other hand, I do have migraines about twice a week.

Numerous doctors in various fields (including natural medicine) have attempted to come to an acceptable explanation for the pain in my head, but no one has been able to determine the exact cause of the headache or found a treatment for it. I am convinced that the head trauma from 20 years ago damaged some of the blood vessels in my brain, and because these are so small and so numerous, a doctor would be unable to find them unless he knew exactly where to look.

Many godly people are praying for my healing from this pain, but I am resting in the truth that God is in full control. I want to glorify Him in whatever situation He places me, even if that means living with this headache for the rest of my life.

Because the migraines frequently cause intense nausea, my stomach "broke," so to speak, around the end of 2005. After many tests and hospital visits, I was diagnosed with acute Gastro-Esophageal Reflux Disorder and a Hiatal Hernia. I had stomach surgery at the end of July, 2006 and the recovery from this took about nine weeks. While the surgeon was working on me, he accidentally damaged a pressure-point connected to the nerves in my left shoulder. This means that I daily experience extreme red-hot pain inside the ball joint of this shoulder, which increases/decreases with every breath. Some side-effects of this operation are that I must chew everything very well, I only eat small amounts of easily digestible foods, and I am no longer capable of throwing up, unless under a great amount of physical stress and pain – which is not as nice a side-effect as you might think at first.

A few months after recovering from this first surgery, I became aware of an increasing pain in my right side. I went for another round of tests and hospital visits in order to discover that my gall bladder had stopped working properly, for no apparent reason. So it was removed in July, 2007. The total recovery time for this surgery was about four weeks. The surgeon explained to me that there was only an 80% chance that removing this organ would fix the problem, because they had been unable to explain why it had malfunctioned to begin with. Two weeks into the recovery, I noticed that the pain was still just as bad, and doctors are still trying to figure out why I am just as ill as I was before the operation.

Another unique struggle I have is a birth-defect in my jaw bone. There is less bone in my right TM Joint than there ought to be, so any time I open my mouth more than half an inch, my jaw dislocates from my skull. It is about as painful as it sounds, and I have grown accustomed to popping it back into place. All that is really connecting the two bones are the cartilage, muscles, and tissues surrounding the joint. Generally, this defect is not too prominent a health issue, and merely assists the headache in being a nuisance.

However, problems do arise whenever I go to the dentist. Because I have to open my mouth as wide as possible, I end up "spraining" my jaw, which is very painful and takes weeks to heal, during which time I am unable to chew or open my mouth effectively. This also means that I probably dislike dentist more than the average person does. My wisdom teeth were removed at the beginning of October, 2007, and I spent about 4 weeks unable to eat anything more than liquid and pureed foods. This was my third surgery in 15 months.So that’s my “unhealthy” history. I have been to the emergency room at least six times (I’m excited that my hospital’s ER now has valet parking so it is an easier process to stop by and visit when the occasion calls for it!). The Lord has used each of these health struggles to draw me ever closer to Himself, though it took some time for me to understand and appreciate God’s faithfulness in doing the very best for my soul through these trials and more.

On Hold

Hey Everyone,

The site will be on hold for the time being until more stories come in. :) If you or anyone you know would like to share a story, please let me know by commenting below and sending the story to: godshandministries@gmail.com.  Thanks to you all for reading and sharing!

Blessings,
~Tiffany

Stranger Speaks Of God's Hope

This next story is from Joanna Rust. At the time of writing this, she had just gotten back from a ten day Mexico mission trip, so the story below is her journey back home from that trip. Joanna lives in the state of Washington with her family and keeps busy with many things including blogging. Enjoy!

~Tiffany

We arrived in the Tucson, AZ airport in the late afternoon, and said goodbye to the gentlemen, while us three young women took the same flight to Phoenix, AZ. The Lord even provided that we could sit together! After arriving at Phoenix, the other girls departed on their respective flights a short time later. I had over two hours to wait. I got something to eat while treasuring some re-cap time with the Lord. I would miss the team and the Mexican people greatly, and wondered how I would process the trip in the weeks to come. In my heart I asked God, "What difference did my presence on this trip make for Your glory? Did it influence anyone? And how, how in the world, should I go about the next few weeks? Will this throw me for a loop, will I be able to function, will I rejoice in You? Little hope please?"

He spoke to my heart gently, and while reading in the book of Isaiah, gave me this verse, regarding a day to come (heaven?, I wondered, oh how I crave heaven!): "And it will be said in that day: 'Behold, this is our God; We have waited for Him, and He will save us. This is the Lord; We have waited for Him; We will be glad and rejoice in His salvation.'" (Is 25:9) With that written down and meditating in my heart, I walked to my flight's gate. It was a pretty full area. With a pack of Kleenx, I sat next to a lady, who I then saw did not want to talk. "That's okay," I thought, "I'm too emotional right now anyway." I started reading some more in Isaiah, but the lady on the other side of me, who I hadn't noticed, interrupted. "That's a cool pot. Where are you coming from?" she asked. I managed to tell her a quick summery of the trip, and asked her what she was about doing. She said she was returning from an internship at the International House of Prayer, and spoke of her belief in Jesus Christ and God's work through His Word.

Then she asked if she could pray for me. I thought, "Holy wow, I usually come to an airport looking for someone else to pray for; but am probably going to cry my eyes out if she prays for me. Nonetheless, that would be a ginormous blessing." So I warned her, "Well, I'm extremely emotional right now, so I hope you don't mind my tears...but I would love prayer." She asked if she could lay a hand on my shoulder, and proceeded to ask God to bless the work we had done on the trip. I wish I could remember more of what she said, and hopefully it will be like a dream that I remember a day later. But then she looked at me, though I could barely look up, and said something like, "I knew as soon as you sat down, before you even opened your Bible, that you were a Christian. I can just sense the Holy Spirit in you. He is so powerful in your life. I believe that the Lord wants me to share with you that you have like a major influence on the lives of those you touch. Your life is so important to Him and the lives of those around you, so you need to believe it." I could hardly stand it. That was exactly contrary to one of the... lies... I had been asking God about just a few minutes earlier. I thanked her for sharing. Yet she continued. "Just looking in your eyes, I can also see that you are dealing with a great sadness, something that had hurt you very deeply. I believe the Lord wants me to let you know that this time of great sorrow will soon be over. He will be your hope. He will change things so that You are able to be so joyful and just-SO know that He is God. I mean, I know you already know that, but You will be able to shout it from the roof tops and let your heart dance! You will be able to share what He has done openly, without shame, so others can praise Him. So have hope in Him! You have that hope! She mentioned several Scripture passages that spoke of hope in the Lord, and like Isaiah 43 says, not being overcome with fire or water when storms come. This was the second lie that Satan had tempted me with: a lack of hope. Overcome with tears, I thanked her for letting the Holy Spirit speak through her.

On the flight home, I was blessed that the seat next to her was empty and she invited me to sit there. It was an incredible blessing to lay out or Bibles and search passage after passage, and speak of overcoming the enemies lies. She reminded me that Jesus prayed for the Father's will to be done on earth as it is in heaven, and that as a child of God, I have His Holy Spirit, that part of heaven, in my heart. So while Isaiah 25 is speaking of heaven, I should pray for it now! We are no longer in bondage, but live in freedom! She also reminded me that these things won't happen unless I live in the freedom given by Jesus Christ. Thus, we must press on for that goal and choose to live in His freedom daily.

"Wow," I kept being reminded, "this is our God. We have waited for Him, and He will save us! This is the Lord; we have waited for Him; We will be glad and rejoice in His salvation."

Alpacas, Chickens & Music Used by God: Part 2

Now, to explain where the idea to go full time in the music ministry came from: (EDITOR'S NOTE: The Eernisse family began their ministry by playing music for a nursing home. If the demand is great enough, I'll be happy to also post the story of how they got started.) put simply, God. That's it: God Himself. He didn't use some outside, physical thing to urge my dad to consider it; He told him Himself. My dad said he had had Psalm 16:3 impressed on his heart for a while; it says, "Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established." Well, my dad certainly wanted to do what the Lord wanted him to do, and it was extremely obvious that He wanted us to do something fairly drastic, considering the circumstances. As time passed, he said his thoughts continued to move from moving our farm up to Kentucky (where we had been hoping to move for several months in order to expand the farm) to going full time with the ministry. I can remember the afternoon when he called my sister and me into his bedroom and told us about the seemingly absurd idea that he had been impressed with. When I heard that he had been seriously considering living in an RV and traveling the country performing, I knew right then that that's what we were going to be doing, if only because it fit the circumstances perfectly. Both my dad and I had lost our "secure" jobs instantly and very suddenly. We were, after three months of total inactivity, getting all KINDS of showings on our house. I had Providentially been prepared for CollegePlus!, which couldn't fit better with a traveling student. My parents would be able to pay off ALL their debt, something they had been really trying to do for several months, and all at one go, too. There are a whole lot more reasons, including the unimaginable impact it would have on every one of our lives. From that day on, I couldn't WAIT to see how the Lord was going to work this all out.

Since then, I've been able to watch many things happen, including Satan's attempts to derail us before we even get started. We haven't sold the house yet, but have a VERY interested Christian couple that we discovered that we know in a kind of round about way. So far, other than the normal attacks of discord that the devil normally tries to sow when we're walking into a building to perform, he has tossed some financial problems in the mix lately. My mom was boiling water a couple weeks ago and heard a POP. She looked around in confusion since nothing was there to pop and, not finding anything, didn't think about it again. The next day, I was looking at the cooktop as I was cleaning it and found a weirdly curved scratch in it. As I looked closer at it, I discovered about nine other "scratches" in it, all converging at one point: the center of the eye my mom was boiling water on. Yep, the cooktop cracked for no apparent reason. That was a pretty good chunk to replace (and is one reason why I wasn't able to participate in the prayer call tonight; I had to help my dad put the new one on). But, as always, God gave us the money to pay for it.

Another DIRECT answer to prayer - back in December, we got a booking at the Senior's Center here in town on the 7th of this month. The problem was that there was no piano. I'm sorry, but, while we can sing acapella, it's hard to play solos with no accompaniment lol. Well, we started praying that God would give us a good keyboard that we could take with us on our travels since this wouldn't be the last time we'd need it (like when we do concerts at the RV parks we stay in, something my dad plans on doing). Guess what: we got another booking on the 27th of Dec. at a church an hour or so north of us. The love offering we got there (we don't charge anything to perform, btw) was just enough to cover the cost of a keyboard and all the accessories we'd need.

I don't type fast enough to list all the different things that the Lord has done for us ( :P :( ), but He is surely helping us through this.

One more thing I need to mention: a week or so ago, a lady in our church approached my mom and told her that she and her husband were wishing to start an all-natural store. Basically, she was wanting to know if we would be willing to raise chickens for them if they cleaned up some land of theirs and set it up for a trailer hook-up, complete with water and septic. They know a man that owns a large dairy down the road who is willing to let us use his land to raise them on, too. The really neat thing here is that my dad had been struggling for a while wondering if the Lord wanted us to raise poultry for a few months in the summer to help cover costs, much like Paul made tents to cover the costs of HIS ministry. This seems to be a big answer to his prayer in that way. We still don't have it all worked out, and it may not, but it sure does look promising.


SO: here are the basic things that we are praying for, and we would all greatly appreciate it if you would join us in prayer:

* That God would give us a spirit of harmony and that we would all be able to resist Satan's urgings to fight and squabble. It's hard enough to get along with six people in a 3000 or so sq. ft. house; try living in an 800 sq. ft. RV for two years... YIKES!
* That God would give us a buyer for the house soon.
* That God would give my parents wisdom to know which fifth-wheel and truck to buy, and also that He would provide us with one of each in great condition for a good price.
* That He would continue to provide for our needs in this time with no steady income.
* That He would give us grace and mercy as we adapt to the COMPLETE lifestyle change that is going to be taking place here in the very near future.
* That God would work everything out with this chicken deal.
* That God would give direction on what kind of RV to buy.

Alpacas, Chickens & Music Used by God: Part 1

The following story is from Taylor Eernisse. Taylor and his family currently live in GA, where they are preparing for their music ministry. For more information about what they are doing and where they are heading, you can visit their site here. Taylor has also included prayer requests, so if you feel led to pray for this family, by all means do so. Be blessed as you enjoy reading some of God's handiwork.

~Tiffany

I guess I'd better start off from the beginning for those of you who don't know too much. Four months ago, my dad and I lost our jobs, he after having worked as the restaurant manager of the local McDonald's for eight years and I as a crew person for two and a half years. One day he had a seemingly secure job, the next, he didn't know what in the world he was going to do. He was fired very unfairly, and was blamed for the misbehavior and mismanagement of other managers. Anyway, it was a huge mess, and I had no desire to continue working there for obvious reasons. This all happened just two weeks after I enrolled in CollegePlus!.

To explain how God prepared both my parents and myself for this occurrence, I must back up nearly three years to my 14th birthday, when I first began my job. At 14, I had nothing to spend my money on, so my parents suggested that I invest it in the alpacas that they were planning on buying. I agreed to do that, and paid a monthly amount to them for two years. I had no idea what I was going to use it for, but the Lord definitely had plans. Since I couldn't access the money I had put into them until we sold one, I wasn't able to start CollegePlus! when I first found out about it, and had to wait another year.

The end of that year (of course, this is general :P) found me receiving just enough money to pay for one year of coaching up front. This was the last week of August of 2009. Just over a week later, I lost my job. There is no WAY you can convince me to believe that it's just a coincidence that we sold the alpacas I owned the most of just a week before I lost my job. It's not a coincidence that the payments the people are making on those alpacas are JUST ENOUGH to pay for me to take two CLEPs a month, which is my goal for each month. God had everything planned out.

For a wider example of God's provision: as all of you who have checked out our website know, this was our second year of raising out broiler chickens. The Lord allowed us one year to get the hang of everything and provided the money we needed to make up for our losses due to learning things the hard way. :P This second year, He used the 400 chickens and 27 turkeys we had to give us the money we have needed to live on while my dad has been out of work. In one sense, it's surprising, but actually shouldn't be, but through this and some other additional ways (including neighbors dropping off truckloads of stuff out of the blue :D) God has allowed us to eat BETTER than we could than while my dad was working! If there's one lesson I've learned in this, it's that God ALWAYS provides for those who actively seek to do His will. I have no concerns as to where the money will come from for my various needs. He has given me ample funds for everything I have needed for CP!, even though I don't have a job. Just to illustrate this, just this morning I realized that I didn't have enough money in my account to pay for my test. Here's the really cool thing that shows God's provision: I had a check in my drawer that I needed to deposit. It was the alpaca payment that I am receiving monthly as a result of the investment He led me to make 19 days short of three years ago (:D). Isn't that cool? Just shows that the Lord has a plan in EVERYTHING, even, and actually especially, when we don't know what it is. 

This story, with prayer requests, will be continued in the next post.

Contact

To submit a story, you must supply your name, location and website/blog if you have one. It would also help if you sent in a short bio along with your story for introducing yourself. For those of you who wish to remain anonymous, you still need to send in your name, location and website, but I will not disclose that information when publishing.  Note that your story could be edited for any grammatical/spelling errors. If any considerable changes need to be made, I will not publish the story until you have looked over and approved the modifications. To send in your story(ies), please send me an e-mail at godshandministries@gmail.com. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Disclaimer: Not all stories that I receive will be published.

P.S. I'll be posting stories once a week.

About

Hello, and welcome to God’s Hand Ministries! We have such an awesome and powerful God, and how He works to weave our lives into His beautiful plan is such an incredible thing to experience and see. In His Word, God tells  the Israelites to remind their children of the wonderful things He had done so that they would not forget His goodness and faithfulness. So to remember what He has done and to encourage and uplift fellow believers, this is the place where you can share stories of how you’ve seen God work in the lives of others and your own.

Many blessings to all who read,

~Tiffany
Eph. 2:10